An introvert in a world built for extroverts...

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• And, let’s bring back the networking chats! I have 3 spots for the next week - first come first serve!

Let’s talk about relationships at work

I often hear people say things like “I’m not trying to make friends at work” or expressing frustration at losing out to someone they perceive as less qualified or less competent.

Here’s the thing: relationships and likability matter at work. People who work well with others and communicate effectively accomplish more, and their teams are more productive so it makes sense that this is something leaders look for in who they hire and who gets ahead at work.

In their employee engagement survey, Gallup asks if you have a best friend at work because those who have friends and feel connected at work are more productive and engaged.

Personally, most of my closest friends are people I’ve met at work. I’ve gone to colleagues’ weddings, traveled abroad with a former manager, been to my managers’ homes, and more though most of my work relationships are more surface level. But I know that when things get tough, having a solid enough relationship to be able to be honest or vent without judgment can help make work feel a lot less lonely.

This can definitely skirt the line into bias or preferential treatment and I think we all have to guard against that, Cliques and gossip have no place at work and contribute to a toxic work environment (and IMO are ultimately not going to be rewarded. But I also think it’s worth people considering how they show up at work and whether they’re investing enough time in building genuine connection.

I talked about this in this video and some articles you can read here:

• A summary of insights from Robert Cialidini

• Research from Harvard

• Insights from MIT on workplace chatter and productivity

So what’s an introvert to do in a world built for extroverts?

Well, one thing to remember is that “likability” at work isn’t usually about being overly social or showing up to every happy hour. I actually think some of the most successful relationship-builders I’ve worked with are very much introverts!

Here are some tips:

1. Ask questions. Whether it’s on a date, making a new mom friend, or at work, asking questions is really one of the best ways to connect with people. People love to talk about themselves so asking questions will allow you to learn more and be seen as a good communicator. Of course if done transactionally, it’s not going to be super helpful. But if you’re genuinely curious about what’s going on with other people, this can really help you to get ahead.

2. Create rituals. Maybe you set a reminder to Slack a colleague once a week to check in or share a fun update in a group Slack channel or hold a coffee chat every other week. At Zapier, we have an automated tool (Donut) that drops questions people can respond to to encourage connection every week and also sets up random chats with colleagues weekly but you can do this manually as well.

3. Prepare yourself for social events. You don’t have to show up to all of them, but maybe pick one a quarter to attend and prep yourself for it by minimizing meetings so your social battery is fully charged, and preparing some questions or things to chat about in advance.

If you have other tips to share, let me know!

The bottom line:

Success at work will always be a blend of hard/technical skills and soft skills. But people often disregard those soft skills and I think it’s often holding them back. So if you find yourself in this boat, I’d encourage you to consider how you can level up in this area - it may just be the missing piece in accelerating your career!

In the News

• The level of government overreach we’re seeing is some really scary stuff. Harvard is standing up to them, but the fact that our government wants to control the curriculum, faculty, and admissions process at private universities could be a sign of things to come in other spaces. Harvard doesn’t really need the government’s money. But if that private corporation does, then I would expect many executives will comply with demands to save their companies. We’ve already seen this with several major companies and law firms. This is pretty standard practice in authoritarian regimes, and media and tech are usually the first targets with compliance being rewarded with government contracts as well as legal pressure, fear of retaliation, and regulatory hurdles.

• In hopefully somewhat positive news, it does seem like the courts are attempting to take action though time will tell if the Supreme Court and Congress are willing to do their jobs.

🙋Answering Your Questions🙋

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